ACCEPTING THE REAL ME!!!

The real me is a little complicated. I am constantly both sides of the coin. Try as I might, and I do, I can't seem to be absolutely on a firm footing with myself. I have struggled with Alcoholism, mental illness and low self-esteem for many years. Happily, I am now well on the road to finding peace and recovery on all of those fronts. It is a process and will be for the rest of my life. But I am a willing participant. This I know is half the battle. I have a few true friends, those that I cherish and would die for. Otherwise, my world is made up of maintaing my recovery and caring for my family. I have two older children, that do not live with me. I, unfortunately hurt them tremendously with my absence from their life. But if they were along for the ride that I've been on since then, I'm sure they would think that I did them a favor. I pray each day that their hearts will be healed.

On other fronts, the accepting of myself hasn't been easy. I feel like a failure alot, like I haven't accomplished much in the way that most people my age have. Hell, most people half my age have done better. While this is true, I also know two things, 1). I'm not perfect and 2). I'm not dead yet. So with each day, there is new opportunity for learning, acheiving and yes, even growing up. I am grateful for the new chance that I have at living my life instead of just existing.

I will leave you with a thought from one of my favorite books:

All you need is deep within you waiting to unfold and reveal itself. All you have to do is be still and take time to seek for what is within and you will surely find it.
~~Eileen Caddy~~